Behind Closed Doors
by SalvaVeritate
Summary: In the midst of salvaging her failing relationship with Sebastian, Annette witnesses something else.
1. Part 1 of 3

**You know the drill. I don't own anything save the plot so fuck off. (kidding) ****  
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**Behind Closed Doors**

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**Part 1 of 3 **

You look at me as though you pitied me and even though I was raised with all the morals a devout Catholic might have, I want to hurt you. Your lips are moving, soft lips of enticing proportions, why do they still look good even though you're blatantly avoiding my direct gaze? Are you afraid of what I'll see?

Because I am.

I know what you're doing. I know what you're thinking. I know that when you consistently tug on your collar you feel stifled, or that when you constantly run your tapered fingertips along the worn out leather journal you insist on carrying around, you want to leave, or even the fact that as of the moment, you're seeking to quarrel with me to have a valid reason.

Because you can't leave me. Not quickly anyway. You feel guilty and even that I saw in those damned serious blue eyes that had to be framed by such long lashes. Why would God even allow someone as good looking as you to have the blackest heart? Why must the stain be permanent? Why couldn't I have taken it all away as I offered myself to you as though I was a form of redemption from your old life?

You're telling me right now that you're busy, that you're preoccupied with school and you can't take me out to dinner. It's my birthday today, Sebastian, have you forgotten?

The mild surprise in your eyes renders you weak for the smallest of seconds before you're back on your feet again, calm and collected as always. I would love to take that indifference from you and hurl it out the window of your room, but I can't take it from you because you don't let me. You never let anyone take it. You won't even touch me the same way you did anymore. Have I bored you now?

I don't realize I said the last thought out loud because immediately you give me a patient sigh and it angers me. You're treating me like a child and I don't like it. Your room, once a place I felt comfortable in because of its elegant sense of comfort and security, now seem like an abandoned battle zone that only held the spirits of those who braved it. Is that what your feelings are for me now? Is it just a spirit dissolving as we speak?

I love you, and I let you know. When I move to kiss you, I know like I've known and understood a million times that there's something about the way you taste that emboldens me. Do you secrete alcohol in your saliva? As crude as that may sound, it would certainly explain the reasons why I would act differently when we made love. Your mouth is moving against mine now and for a moment I allow myself to release the tension in my body as you take charge of the situation. Your arms are now wrapped around my waist and your tongue is doing delicious things to my skin, have I ever told you how talented you are with it? I can't help but let out little whimpers and encouraging groans as I feel your hands ridding me of my clothing and I try to hide the small feeling of triumph at getting you to stay with me again. My fingers are gently running through your hair, relishing in its softness the way my entire body is savoring your touch. A lover's touch. A seducer's touch. The demon's intense kisses with an angel's mouth. My golden haired Satan, the deceiver turned honest turned deceiver again. You never could make up your mind, Sebastian.

I don't care about that now, because right now I cup you in my hand and feel it pulsate, its size a familiar sight yet the emotions, the immense lust it incites in me changes each time it's inside of me. I remember that one time I kissed the leaking tip and you jerked up in shock at my action, your head shooting up and those damned half closed lids widening in surprise.

So I wanted to taste you. Does that make me impure? Did you only want me as an innocent virgin? You can't. You can't taint me and reject me.

When we were like this you sometimes murmured words in the past, mostly endearing words and adoring phrases. During our first time you asked me if I was okay and I remember the pain lesser than I remember the look on your handsome face. You made love to me and I felt it.

Right now you're just fucking me.

There are no other sounds save the pleasured grunts and groans escaping your mouth, you can't even look at me anymore. Beads of sweat are dripping down your back from our movements and I lick your neck to try to get your attention, but already you seem like you're not even there. As you fill me to the brim, the sound of skin hitting skin only fills the room when before it used to be filled with intimate laughter and soft sighs.

I know it. Yet the pleasure of the act with you surpasses my wondering mind right now and all thoughts flee my head as you bring us both closer to release, although the release I'm looking for can't be found here. In and out. In and out. A savage rhythm increasing its speed, my body is drying up and the delicious friction turns into a mild pain, but still you don't seem to notice. Your full mouth is parted and your arms are raised above me, your eyes wide shut and your breath smelling like brandy or vodka. With a few more thrusts, you finally wear yourself out and you give a groan, spilling into me while a blissful smile overcomes your face. You collapse into my arms, boneless and limp. Sated, sweaty, yet still handsome. Always will be, I suppose.

You don't talk to me but you do kiss me goodnight. I tell you I love you but you've already left reality to regain your strength. Finally, I slip my hand under yours and I join you in a place where you won't be able to push me away.

I sleep.

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Morning now.

I open my eyes to find you coming out of the bathroom, lower body covered in a towel while that expression of absolutely nothing encompasses your face. I can sense your disinterest again, and the rejection hurts me but I smile anyway. I try not to show it. Love makes us martyrs at some point, doesn't it?

I watch you as you get dressed, lips pursed in meticulous pondering of your attire for the day. You vanity is justifiable I suppose, someone as good looking as you deserves at least that. When you were done, you gave me a small smile, the smallest that could be considered forced, but I take it anyway. Along with my virginity you've taken my heart and I want it back.

But I don't want you to give it to me fucked up.

See? You've even gotten me to curse. You're like a bad habit.

I give a loud yawn, rubbing my eyes just in time to see you place your hand on the door and this gets your attention. When I opened my eyes I see you looking at me intently, as though trying to figure me out. You're trying to wonder what happened to the resistant young woman who rejected you blatantly when you tried to pursue her.

She's gone. You've stripped her of her walls and bared her naked to your gleaming eyes. In her place was a young woman who silently prayed for things to be as they were, when you still held her as she slept and when you kissed her and meant it.

Finally, the gaze breaks and then you give me a careless shrug. You're telling me that you'll be in the living room with your stepsister and that the driver will see to it that I get home. You're not even going to have the decency to walk me to the car now? How dirty you've made me feel! How dare you? How could you or any man for that matter, woo a woman so tirelessly and make her feel loved and cherished only to discard her like an annoying piece of trash?

But I nod anyway and head for the shower, making up some excuse that I had a meeting to attend to anyway. I can tell you don't buy it because I haven't even finished talking and the door is already shut. I could have told you I was planning to kill you and you still wouldn't have listened.

Perhaps I can talk to that stepsister of yours. She seems nice, everybody speaks so highly of her. Even you do, and even though I don't know her as well as you seem to, I can tell that she would understand my plight. Cecile told me Kathryn could be trusted, that she was the one who helped Ronald and her get together. I've seen her around the campus and in your house of course, but she always seemed to be off to do something important. Charity events, parties, student council meetings… She seemed to do everything all at the same time. She seemed to be orbiting on an entirely different plane… Just like you. No wonder you both get along so well and sometimes even I wonder. Maybe if I were more like her I'd catch your interest. But how can she maintain your friendship and your attention? She's so prim and proper all the time, always with that polite smile on her pretty face, always with those green eyes warm and inviting yet it also held an air of superiority that told any person to give her the respect she deserves.

Yes… I shall have to talk to her. She'll listen to me; she'll understand that I love you and that I want to work things out no matter what.

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Later, I walk to your location and push the door open only to see nothing out of the ordinary. You're both seated beside each other just like any normal pair of siblings would do. I don't see the physical affection but I know that you're quite close to her as she is to you. I can sense it in your face as you read your book, the indifference has been replaced by that genuine look of someone at peace with his surroundings. She's actually the same, only a bit more guarded than you are currently. Her brown hair still perfectly fixed and the layers framing her small face, she gave a sigh of annoyance when you shifted your leg and accidentally brushed it against hers, causing the magazine she was preoccupied with to shift.

"This is what I like to call quiet time." She spoke snidely; apparently that phrase incited some form of mockery because you look up and smirk.

Your eyes light up.

No… they gleam.

"That was what I like to call an accident, Kathryn. Not everything I do is meant to get your attention."

She rolled her eyes and you smiled at her, your eyes lingering on her face before you returned to your book. Finally, I let my presence be known and close the door. The sound of the knob's mechanism working causes both your heads to look up and immediately another layer of apathy settles over the both of you like water.

"Good morning." Your stepsister is the first one to greet me, smiling pleasantly. I am sure that her warmth is what I need after the coldness you're exuding right now. "Did you have a nice night?"

You turn and glare at her as though she'd said something mocking but if she did, I must have missed it. Nevertheless, she seems to understand your glare and only rewards you with an impish smile that makes her beautiful face look like it held a secret. Maybe it did.

"Yes…" I say in return, looking at you but you're still keeping quiet. You used to say a lot now you're only making noise when I get you in bed. "Kathryn, would you mind if I spoke to you alone?"

She exchanges a look with you and I could have sworn it was amusement but then it, whatever it was, became that general warmth you showed me earlier and I knew that I could trust her. As she brushes her silky brown hair back from her face, I catch a glimpse of that platinum rosary wrapped around her wrist. Her eyes are sharp in noticing this and she places a hand on your arm while she smiles at me.

"When I find that I'm in need of guidance, I turn to God and He helps me." She says this almost forlornly and I heard you scoff in derision.

"What are you laughing at, you impolite young man?" she says quite frostily and this time you turn to me before looking back at her. "Aren't you even going to acknowledge your girlfriend?"

You roll your eyes in return and she expresses her disapproval at you, looking at me with concern.

"He's just been going through a lot of things lately," she explains but I can tell that it was a fake reason and that she was only trying to make me feel better. Kathryn really is a wonderful young woman and I can hope that I become friends with her, how can someone as nice as her be friends with someone like you? How can you refrain from hurting her or seducing her? How can you refrain from tainting her? How? I should have befriended her before I met you, maybe she would have been able to teach me that insurmountable amount of control she seems to wield over her attachments.

"Sebastian, why don't you go away for a while? You heard the girl; she wants to talk to me."

"So you leave. I got here first." You answer and I try not to cry at the way you're brushing me off. Kathryn's having none of that. She quickly spies my upcoming tears and she slaps your forearm in annoyance, causing you to wince and stand up in a huff.

"Be a gentleman, big brother."

"Why? I don't see a lady anywhere."

Kathryn looks fierce for a few moments as she stares you down, and even though it wasn't directed to me I suddenly feel apprehensive of her. You don't back down from such things and it was clear that it was a silent war, a battle for power and dominance but over what?

"Now." She says this single word with a dangerous low tone and it has its desired effect.

You pick up your book and finally turn to me, finally, finally letting me know that you still could see me after all. Your face softens and for while I thought things would go back to as they were, I can see the remorse in your features and the next two words that escaped your lips causes my heart to tighten considerably.

"I'm sorry."

I can sense Kathryn watching us closely but I can only focus on you. My mouth opens but nothing comes out and you sense my lack of eloquence. Maybe to give me more time to gather my thoughts, you turn to the striking brunette and place a brotherly kiss on her forehead in a caring manner. It was the sort of offhanded affection that I would have taken over sex but I wasn't given the option, was I?

"I'll be back in five minutes." You concede, turning to close the door.

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	2. Part 2 of 3

**Part 2 of 3 **

When I am alone with her, she motions for me to take the spot you now left empty. It's still warm from you. I don't know if she notices it, but her fingers, particularly the thumb and the forefinger, play with the top half of the crucifix absentmindedly. I wonder if she's talking to God. I wonder at how she can still remain religious and constant while living with you. She is silent, that pretty pink mouth reminds me of the doll I had as child.

"He's… He's slipping away from me." I curse myself for the first two drops of tears to come down my cheeks even before I've had the chance to compose myself. I hate that I'm so emotional all of a sudden when just last night I let my body do the languishing and that exsanguinations of the loneliness I had been feeling by seeking the warmth of your body even in the carnal act of sex. The tears have flooded through my walls and I sit before her weeping openly, weeping for the loss of my love, of my virginity, I wept over the times that would never be again and I mostly wept for the pathetic state I had been induced into. My shoulders are shaking and I am hiccupping, taking large breaths while she sits there calmly.

I can tell she wasn't expecting this because a look of surprise comes and goes, why is it that every emotion the two of you have is as fleeting and erratic as the beating of a dragonfly's wings?

"I'm sorry." Kathryn replies, standing up to move across the room. I can't help but stare at her the way I do you, you really are both used to this life, this power over people, this influence you have… Her hips swayed slightly and the clicking of her heels across the floor is sharp and crisp. When she returns, she places the box of tissue beside me and I mumble my thanks before taking a few to clean myself up.

"I thought… I thought he loved me… He said he had never felt happier with anyone else than… than… hic… than he was with me."

For some reason, she pinches the top half of the cross at my sentence before it loosens again. Her face is sympathetic to my plight, but her body is still stiff and straight. I've heard of stories from Mrs. Caldwell regarding Kathryn's mother and looking at Kathryn now, I can only find proof that maybe Bunny's words were true. It was rumored that as a child, Kathryn would have her lower back hit or slapped quite painfully when caught slouching. I even heard that there was this one time when she had been five and Tiffany had had to take her alone one of her charity events since her nanny was gone; she'd had to pee so badly but she couldn't find the bathroom and she was afraid to get lost, she tried pulling on her mother's hand but she was only met with a silent look of warning at her behavior. Finally, she tugged harder and with her short legs crossed together, she nearly cried out that she had to pee.

Everybody had laughed at this and Tiffany only smiled quite painfully before escorting her daughter inside. The child had an angry handprint on her cheek afterwards and she remained still throughout the entire day.

Kathryn hands me another piece of tissue and I gratefully take it, brushing it against my eyes. Her poise amazes me, but if those stories about her childhood were true, I would gladly not be as poised as she is.

"He said that."

It was more of a statement said in a flat tone but I dismissed it as a sign of her impatience with me. After all, we certainly weren't close and I can imagine her confusion when I asked to see her, but she can help me.

"Y-yes… Please Kathryn, do you know anything about why he's been acting strange? Is he seeing someone else? Sebastian told me he had changed… I don't…"

I started bawling again like a child. I felt an awkward patting on my shoulder and was surprised to see that she was doing this in an uncomfortable manner. At least she isn't entirely poised, right?

"I'll talk to him about it." She promises, glancing discreetly at her watch. I get the idea and profusely apologize, saying I know how busy she is and that I was thankful for her help. She gives me a strange smile that I couldn't comprehend before holding up her cross.

"Just turn to Jesus and he'll make you feel better…" she replies thoughtfully, playing with the top half of it again. Did that just unscrew or am I still too teary eyed?

"It's what I do." She adds as an afterthought, a secret grin ending the sentence. "It always works."

She seems to be rather fond of rosaries and I remember having one in my purse that had been blessed by the Pope. I want to give it to her as a sign of my gratitude and meant to do so. I give her a big smile which she returns widely, she promises she would keep me informed on her brother and that just between the two of us, she approved only me amongst all Sebastian's former girlfriends. I leave that room and go back into Sebastian's where I took minutes finding my purse. How did end up under the bed?

It didn't matter. Already I was beginning to be filled with idealistic hope that she will be able to talk some sense into you. She's already quite close to you and I hope that her opinions would sway your decision, maybe she'll allow you to see that you shouldn't take me for granted the way you have. As I push the door open, it does so without a sound. I see that you're already back there with your book, but this time you and Kathryn aren't reading. She's talking to you in a low tone, and I freeze, hiding behind the shelf. She must be talking to you about me! Oh, she is a wonderful woman to have as a friend! I feel the rosary in my fingers and I want to give it to her now more than ever. She is a saint, that Kathryn.

You're listening to her with rapt attention, wholly transfixed on her eyes and you didn't look like you wanted to be anywhere else. I envy the closeness she has with you. Finally, she finishes talking and she lets out a laugh which you do so in return as well. I don't know what you're laughing about, but I know that it isn't me. She wouldn't laugh at me, she understood my plight…

"I have to go now." She announces, standing up and throwing the magazine of the coffee table with a loud smack. "I have a date."

As her front is facing the door, my mouth drops open at the scowl that suddenly darkens your face. It was the unmistakable look of annoyance and jealousy. Now I really envy her for that, but at the same time it endears me to you more. The fact that you can be so close to your stepsister and be a protective, affectionate brother melts my heart but then again, it always freezes when you address me in indifference.

"He doesn't deserve you."

She smiles at your bitter tone but you don't see it. Her face is filled with warmth again, but it was the kind of warmth that was tinged with that untouchable look that seemed to never leave her.

"Nobody deserves me, Sebastian." She replies, picking up her purse. "I just make due with what I have."

"Wrong." You stand up and the book on your lap falls to the floor. It's one of your beloved first editions, the ones that you took great care of and now it's lying there open and the pages becoming creased.

She was rifling through her purse, obviously looking for something. "What?"

You notice that she is distracted, her brows are knitted together in concentration and the next thing you do not only squeezes my heart as though it would burst, it actually did.

You wrap your arms around her from behind and you bring your face close to her neck, nuzzling her skin. You look so at ease with her, and once again the green monster that has become my dear friend visits me. Your hands encircle her waist, palms resting on her stomach and she stops rifling through her purse.

"I suppose this is your way of telling me that you think you deserve me?"

"No."

She smirked, turning her head so you were able to stare at her, which up until now I realized you always liked to do. "Glad to know you're still rational, Valmont."

"I don't 'think' I deserve you, Kathryn. I know I do."

And the illusion shatters before my eyes. I hear the way you said it, the firmness of your hold on her, I felt the softness in your voice, your velvet mouth brushing against the shell of her ear as you whispered it loudly with such confidence.

I don't know which body part to attend to. You have begun to look blurry because of the salty liquid you've caused to fall down my cheeks and my hands have begun to grip the very same token of friendship I meant to give your stepsister. It's pressing against my skin so deeply I wonder if the impressions will ever leave, this is too much. To have your heart broken, to have your idea of the perfect relationship snatched away from you… it more than hurt. It was painful. Soul painful. I let you into my body and you walked away with everything I had.

You bring your mouth closer to hers and as soon as they touch, even I felt the heat in the room. It was heat and electricity and mouths on each other, fighting, grappling, bodies wrapped in passion and burning the two of you alive. I had expected her to pull away, to push you indignantly for doing that to her, but instead there's a slight sigh from her throat as she returns the kiss eagerly, her hand reaching up to touch the side of your face. She manages to turn around, never breaking from your mouth. In fact, she seems to display the only real feeling I've ever seen her display during my moments of brief observation of her. The sound of mouth touching mouth, of lips and tongues adoring each other, the sound of your lips trapping her bottom lip and the sound of you pulling away from her slows the beating of my heart. I know how you look when you're aroused, and you are right now. There's a fire in your eyes that seems to match Kathryn's and yet behind that lust lay something else… but what? What do you mean when you look at her, never wavering, never laughing…you were just… so… fixed on her, and I had never seen you look angelic as you did at that time. There was some sort of purity in that gaze, in fact, if you took away that mischievous glint that would never leave in your irises and looked in the mirror, you'd probably see it too.

You look like a child staring at the Christmas gift you begged and hinted for wrapped in a shining silver crinkling paper with a green bow on top. All silvers and emeralds, I saw it sparkle in your eyes. I saw the smile you tried to hide from her.

"You know there are times when your overconfidence amuses me." Kathryn spoke first while you assessed her with that keen, hungry stare of yours. You seemed to drink in the sight of her, the petite stature and lips slightly swollen from your kissing. Your hands leave the small of her back and rub down her shoulders, this time the kiss you place on her forehead is not brotherly.

"It's not overconfidence if it's the truth." You reply in return, a thumb caressing her mouth while you fail to see the way Kathryn's eyes light up and you certainly fail to see the same contented lazy smile you tried to hide from her earlier appear on her face.

"Smug bastard."

"Coke whore."

These words are scathing in nature and I recoil at the offhanded way you both say it to each other. Was this your own brand of affection?

She tangles her fingers through your hair, her fingertips rubbing back and forth your scalp. This strangely looked simple yet intimate, and you give a low murmur of approval when she kisses you on the cheek, her mouth hovering inches away from your skin.

"Tell me again how it ended." She whispers in your ear, biting teasingly on your earlobe. I see you shiver and lose your composure slightly, but you reply by caressing her ribs through the thin garment of her clothing. "Tell me, Sebastian."

"It doesn't matter." You respond breathlessly when the touching between the two of you dangerously becomes sexual, her hands have left your hair and have begun to unbutton your shirt.

"But…" she protests in a smoldering voice that burns through even me. She leaves the shirt open but her lips begin to seek yours once again. You reach out for her but she pulls back, placing small, open kisses along the column of your neck, going up to your chin, slow and torturous but that golden haired head of yours rolls back, and it was clear that unlike with us wherein you were always the one dominating, you both vied for control and it suited you. You're breathing heavily now, the pleasure apparent in your closed eyes. Kathryn finally reaches your face, inching closer and closer to your mouth…

I should leave, but I can't. My feet are permanently glued to the ground because of my horrible curiosity.

"It's my favorite story…" she continues, grabbing the back of your neck to tilt you back to her. "Please…? I love hearing it… tell me…"

"She doesn't mean anything to me."

Her hand slips under your pants and she starts pumping it slowly, licking your lips before pressing her cheek to yours.

"Continue." She breathed.

"I thought I loved her but I got so bored for a while…" she must have squeezed you because you gave out a guttural groan of bliss, it was obvious that she was getting a kick out of your cruelty and even then I knew you were talking about me. What a fool I was to have thought that she could help me when she was the source of my being a subject of ridicule!

"How was the saint in bed?" she bites your shoulder, her own face is flushed. Your hand moves on its own accord and cups the underside of her breast, the thumb tweaking the hardened bud.

"Bearable… oh, God… Kathryn… fuck…"

"What about me?" she asks in a little girl voice radiating of innocence yet her eyes spoke otherwise.

"What… about…" you groan when she takes her hand back, disappointed at the loss of contact. "You?"

She licks her lips, looking beautiful especially in wanton. She presses her chest against yours, rubbing her groin against the apparent bulge in your pants, when she allows you to capture that elusive, teasing mouth of hers, everything seemed to explode and become reborn at the same time. How can you kiss her that way? I envy how you do that to her, how every space of your mind seems to be only full of thoughts of enjoying and pleasuring her.

You nearly hold yourself back, I can see your eyes close tightly as you pull her tight against your chest, crushing her with the ferocity of a passionate man craving for something I don't know (because you never let me in). Finally, as she rests her chin on your shoulder, you suddenly look like you actually are seventeen as opposed to the omniscient handsome bastard you are. I see your vulnerability in the tightness of your hold, the flurry of emotions bright and clear on your expression.

"If I tell you something, will you not be a bitch about it?"

You ask this in such a hopeful tone that I want to reach out to you even though you were breaking my heart. Kathryn looks up, surprised but nods in silence, for once the sarcasm is gone.

"I love you."

I can almost laugh and cry and envy the sweetness of the surprise on her beautiful face, but I can tell she doesn't trust you. I don't blame her.

"Are you serious or is this another one of your twisted games? Have you and Tuttle bet on whether or not I'd say it back?"

You blink and release her, but she's too busy staring at you to check for your lies.

I'm too busy crying because all I see is the truth.

"No." you answer in defense, sounding cold and hollow.

You're hurt and disappointed at her reply, but you try vainly but determinedly not to show it. The lust is gone now, deflated by the resounding echo of a silent rejection. You begin buttoning your shirt, trying to find something to keep you preoccupied, to keep the feeling of being watched by those eyes out of your head.

She still hasn't spoken and the lack of sound is filling with tension. Kathryn, for her part, has her mouth dropped open. If you and she had had sex before, it was clear that it hadn't been about emotions in the past.

"Have a great date with the idiot."

I can feel the bitterness again. I want to laugh out loud at your situation, see what you replaced my feelings for?

"I'm not going to say it back, Sebastian. I can't, it isn't in my nature to do so."

"I didn't expect you to."

You're picking up the fallen book and trying to smooth the creases you caused. The door is what you're headed for right now even if you don't want to leave, you can't stay there. I feel apprehensive and almost head for the open door when her voice cuts through the silence. It is a stranger to all the three individuals present in the room, her reply was quiet in nature yet it emanated that power she inherently held within.

"But it doesn't mean that I don't."

You stop short of the short distance you've walked, the same look of surprise on your fair one's face now on yours. You turn to her, unsure of what you've heard but I heard it all. I saw it all.

It hurt.

It really fucking ached.

You place the book down and approach her, looking cautious. "Do you really?"

Your face is slightly red and so is hers. You're burning, the both of you. You're burning in your personal mixture of heaven and hell.

I'm already composed of ashes.

You stared at each other for minutes, trying to read the other's thoughts through the slightest movement of your bodies if there were any. Finally, the ice around her melts first and she smiles faintly, looking not like her yet luminous at the same time.

"Don't let it get to your head; I _have_ been known to change my mind."

With that, she slips her small hand into yours. It seems to be another act that astonishes you, but the happiness in your heart is overflowing since it breaches your walls and rules of constant indifference. The way you look at her is how I wanted you to look at me, intent and adoring, intense and powerful, dark and soul carving and so much more only she will probably understand.

"I guess I'll have to make sure you retain your constancy then, Ms. Merteuil."

You're so happy you're smiling.

I'm so disillusioned I'm shaking.

And Kathryn… She's watching you with that same secretive, amused smirk of hers. With a slight tug, she pulls you down the couch with her and you comply without complaints. I can tell you're still shocked by her earlier response because you still have that dazed look in your eyes. You only get that when you awaken in the middle of the night from a particular dream and you're not sure if this is still part of it or not. I know it and she knows it, because then she completely lets her guard down.

You seem to soften, every limb turns into jelly as soon as her head rests on your shoulder and she plays with your hand thoughtfully. This is the most I have seen her, and apparently it was a rare sight to watch her like that because it really is amazing. I'm envious and bitter, the color of her eyes seems to overtake the clear blue ones that I had.

"I still have to go on that date, you know." She reminds you, her green eyes staring at your joined hands.

You nod, brushing your lips against her temple.

"It's unfair." You add almost petulantly while she gives you a rare smile.

"It is, isn't it? We're always supposed to get what we want."

You, for all your charm and eloquence, couldn't find the proper answer for that. Kathryn's façade is completely gone now, and yours has begun to fade away as well. If the truth is told, at that instance you both looked completely the opposite of impermeable. You looked so tired and she looked ages older than what she really was, as she moves closer to you, I can almost feel the blood rushing to my head in anger and spite but I can do nothing except watch.

And hate.

And envy.

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	3. Part 3 of 3

**Part 3 of 3 **

It seems like an entire millennia has passed when it was only mere seconds. The two of you have oddly remained quiet after the unexpected confession from both parties, so it was only now that you and Kathryn can't talk? I don't think I would have been able to form a single coherent sentence if someone had caught me staring at the two of you with such fixed fascination. My palms have begun to sweat and I don't think I can quit clenching the rosary in my hands, do you think that if I throw it at you, you would melt along with that sick and perverse yet true love you claim to have for her?

Her soft hair brushes against your jaw slowly as she gives another one of those secret, nefarious smiles of hers while she keeps her head bowed down so that you won't be able to see how much you've made her happy. You seem contented with the silence and your blue eyes seem to glimmer in its own sea of thoughts while you almost absentmindedly kiss her right temple. Kathryn looks up at you and with the slightest curve on her lips, she responds by kissing your cheek, her hand bringing itself up to curl her fingers slightly in your dark blond locks. I don't think I have ever seen you that happy, even when we didn't have problems.

After she pulls away, you both look at each other without blinking while having one of those conversations through silence. I've seen you do that with her before, and even then it awed me slightly how you could exchange a mere glance with Kathryn and a smirk would already appear on your lips even though it was only a few seconds of eye contact.

As though you were tired of the peaceful moment, the lust overcomes you and you grab the back of her neck just as she pulled away. Kathryn seems to have expected this because I can see a slight grin just before your mouths met, and just like that, it was a fusion of fire and ice that filled the entire room with ice blue flames invisible to the naked eye yet felt by those present. Whatever tenderness you both expressed earlier is gone; the hesitation was gone as well. Now knowing where you stand and realizing that it was a discovery you had wanted to unravel in the first place, it seemed as though every fiber in both your bodies longed to be joined with the other in every sense of word.

I should leave.

Your hand cups her breast and I remember painfully that you had done the same thing to me last night. As she gives a slight moan of encouragement, your kisses trail down her jaw just as she allowed herself to be laid down on the sofa.

"My… date." She gasps just as your mouth puckers around what I assumed to be her nipple through the fabric of her clothing.

I should really leave. I am becoming a fucking pervert. But I can't. I'm too fascinated to see you act this way. I used to think you were incapable of it, now I realize that you were only incapable of it with me.

"Don't go then." You answer with a slight groan of your own when she begins to grind her hips against yours. "Stay with me."

"Oh, Sebastian. You're so possessive…" she murmurs teasingly and you retaliate by slipping your hand between her thighs.

You smile slowly just as she lets out another gasp, "But I have a right to be. You're mine now; I do hope you realize that."

"I wasn't aware I had given you consent to own me."

Her tone was mildly teasing but you can tell that there's still a threatening undertone to it. She might have admitted something you never thought she would, but with a girl, no, woman like Kathryn, it was utterly impossible for her to be owned. People like her were never owned, they were too strong willed and independent. Just like you, Sebastian. Two of a kind, right? I wonder how two people who adamantly refuse to being owned could belong with each other. What would they then share if they refuse to give themselves wholly to this strange emotion that overpowered them both?

You knew then to tread on the thin ice very, very lightly. With just one word, one gesticulation, you could provoke her. Kathryn's masks are slowly being uncovered before me, and while this came as an initial surprise, I had enough sense to realize that she was your equal in every sense and every manner there was. Her temper could make the strongest person weep in mercy.

"Yes, but I'm a very effective man in the art of persuasion."

Your boldness is admirable and painful because of how I feel about you.

She grabs your shoulders and tangles her fingers in your hair, giving it a slight tug that sends you groaning in pleasure and in pain. You're probably at that place right now, well guess what, Sebastian. I've been in the latter for what seems like forever. How can you do this to me?

"In the art of seduction, you mean." Those perfect lips whisper ever so quietly it could have been mistaken for innocence had it not been for the mere glint in those serpent jade eyes.

You smile, "But that's more of your department, wouldn't you say?"

She is indeed a woman of infinite possibilities. Though your intimate parts are thankfully spared from my view, it didn't take long for me to realize that her small hand had reached down and apparently inserted your burgeoning erection into her. I swallow thickly and know that I've gone in too deep to not be disturbed and yet twisted and invariably aroused at two individuals so devious and the masters of their own trade to indulge in their own games. You give a little groan but stay still because this is another part of your game. She's not moving and neither are you, though you both obviously want your release.

"I can share." Kathryn replies, turning your positions so quickly so that she straddles you. You watch her as if she was your fixation. Aside from the change in places, she still remains impaled on you, never moving.

You run your hand through her brown hair in an almost doting fashion, looking adorably puzzled. You never did that to me. You never ran your hand through my tresses gently.

"But you hate sharing."

"Yes, I realize that but…" Kathryn looks over her shoulder and I freeze in place, my heart beating wildly. Does she know I'm here?

Apparently she doesn't. She looks back at you and you procure all her attention, and you prefer it that way.

"…I can… try." She said the last word as though it pained her to, and there's a moment of hesitance on both your parts and suddenly it seems as if she wasn't referring to the concept of sharing anymore.

"Of course you can." You start leaving kisses on her chest, teasing in your own fashion by avoiding her breasts. Kathryn moans her approval and her hips gyrate almost against her will, back and forth against you. Your blue eyes, the same ones I've commented were similar to the color of the sky when a storm was coming, a dark and dangerous blue hue that was filled with ominous atmospheres and such, close and both your hands rest on the small of her back comfortably. "But will you?"

"Mmm…" Her head rests on your shoulder while she continues her pleasurable movements, "Will I try?"

There was a low growl in your throat. I can see the restraint in your contorted face to not go faster, but you know somehow that in this round, she needed to be the one in control. It was like she was grasping for some form of proof that whatever it was that was happening with regard to how she felt for you was worth it. She needed to know that you would stay with her, that this connection between two selfish people was not doomed after all.

"Yes. I would really… ah… like it if you…fuck… would."

I wonder. I wonder if she would. I wonder if you know what you're doing; loving a woman who is incapable of such despite what she's told you. If this is her nature, to deceive people into thinking that she is perfect when in fact her edges are so sharp it would slice clean through and leave you bleeding should you cross her path, then what makes you think she's not deceiving you? What makes you think that she isn't doing this out of amusement, and that she isn't just trying to monopolize you because she wanted to know if she could? What if she was just looking to see how far you would bend until you snap in two? Have you ever thought of that? Of course not, because so consumed are you by your lust for her that you fail to see that you're eagerly crawling into a hole she's digging for you.

She raises her hips until you are almost withdrawn from her. The sight of your penis connected barely covered and glistening with her fluids is one that makes me look away.

"Fuck me and find out."

She had unbound your chains with those insinuating words and the fire in your own gaze burned and burned while you drove into her, heeding her words of fasterharderdeeper. It was all jumbled into one half scream of hoarse passion and there will surely be marks on your bodies. God knows it will leave a mark on my soul. By then I couldn't bear to look and yet I couldn't get myself to leave. Each groan, each sound of skin hitting skin was like being welted by an invisible whip on my already scraped raw heart. I lean against the wall obscuring us from seeing each other and cling on to my rosary, having to muffle my sniffles because of the tears that are flowing endlessly down my cheeks.

I am torturing myself like a martyr, thinking that maybe if I collected enough material of your transgression, I will be cured of my love for you. So I sit through it the entire time, sinking down to my knees.

"Harder!" she yelled.

The rhythm did indeed become faster and I can hear you both kissing, barely hearing that gasp for air while you almost devoured each other. I wish you would. Then you would be gone from my life and I wouldn't have to see the two of you again.

"I'm close, baby." You gasp and I turn my head. Oh, God, she was your baby now? You never even called me that even when you weren't distant!

I can't help it. I look at you. I want to know the expression on your face when you said that, I want to see if you're doing it so that she would comply to you just like you probably said it to your other conquests to get what you want. That's what I want to see.

You repeat that phrase again, this time punctuating the last word by pressing your cheek against hers with your mouth open and your eyes shut tightly as you slid in and out of her in that frenzied passion.

That wasn't what I saw. I saw that you meant it.

Her nails had been running down your back but when you say it to her again, her hands slide down and squeeze the firm globes of your bottom and she tells you in that same tone of voice you used earlier.

"Go slow, then." She paused, slightly perspiring. "Make it last."

And you did. You angled your thrusts with such finesse, pausing every once in a while to make love to her mouth with your lips and your tongue. She responds each time and even wants more, her fingers cup the back of your neck and pulls you closer, never getting enough. Her thirst is as insatiable as yours but you fulfill each other's the way nobody else can.

You were in the middle of sucking on her bottom lip when your entire body goes rigid and you shake and shake slightly in her arms before you cry out her name and arrive on the flights of heaven and nirvana, or whatever it means to you atheists since you never believed in God and I'm guessing your stepsister is the same. A minute later, so attuned is her body to yours that she seems to follow; only she doesn't cry out your name. She gives a scream and bites down her lip so hard in her bliss I thought she was going to bleed.

"Love you, Kathryn. The fuck I know why, but I do." You kiss her neck and allow her to settle beside you. It's no wonder you've both landed on the thick Persian carpet in the midst of your coupling. She remains silent, almost contemplative while she seems to ignore the fact that you're both on the floor now. She smiles to herself as your lips brush against her skin lightly, pausing to kiss you once in a while.

"You're insane then."

"For what?"

"For loving me."

"I've never been one for rationalities." You turn and give her the biggest hug, the kind that you've never given to any of your conquests and most especially not to me. Your arms go around her body, protecting her in an almost caring manner. Oh, God.

You pull her into your arms and hold on for as long as you can and she lets you. In fact, she even moves closer to you, still being her silent self.

"Tell me you'll try." You whisper in her ear. I almost didn't hear it.

"I don't take risks without knowing that I'll win." She replies in earnest, looking up at you with those large unblinking eyes of hers.

"Make an exception. Sometimes your personal rules are entitled to one."

Kathryn frowns, "Persuade me."

You grin cockily, "Again?"

"Not with sex."

This befuddles you and you pull back, "How?"

She doesn't answer and you don't talk, it's obvious she wants you to figure it out on your own and you're searching your intellectual mind for something to retort but for once you find none. Her logic is mind boggling and full of holes you can't seal.

I can't take anymore. I turn and flee, never stopping when I hear something clatter on the floor. I run and run until I can't breathe and the tears of heartbreak, shame, and disgust overcome me.

---

How indeed? How do you think it ended? Do you think it ended with a happily ever after? Ever afters aren't for people who only reveal themselves in secrecy. When a relationship is based on deceit, it crumbles before it even has a chance to flourish, but then again, you always did like a challenge, didn't you?

I don't speak to you after what I've seen and you don't even care. You go back to your womanizing ways as if you had never broken my heart and as if I had never seen you with Kathryn. Your reputation once again precedes you and with that boyish charm and your blond haired blue eyed angel from the lower depths of hell good looks, you manage to bed girls and attractive women alike. Soon the halls are once again loud with gossip bearing your name and I cringe every time I hear it, knowing it was probably true. People ask me what happened to us, I smile painfully and be as polite and civil as possible, saying it would have never worked out because of your nature.

I didn't tell them it was because you were fucking your stepsister. It shamed me to remember that I had watched and it would shame you and her as well. I had grown cautious of Kathryn now, knowing what she was capable of and I steered clear of her.

Of course, although you were back to your old ways, I can see the frayed patches of that blanket you've thrown over everyone else's eyes. I see how you would sometimes sit with Kathryn and her friends at lunch, always beside her and with your girlfriend of the week. Kathryn would glance at you sideways and you would look silently back, the corner of your mouth that faced her turning up always.

You would participate with the conversation, but it was mostly shallow yet you indulged in it anyway. You hate shallow talk, which is very ironic because your conquest indulging is indeed an act based on good looks. Sometimes she would have her boyfriend with her and he would grope her under the table while your nostrils would flare slightly and your fist would clench. Kathryn knows it and she gets off at your jealousy.

It's a game between you two. She asked you to persuade her, yet you want her to give you what you ask for without the need for it. You hit each other with the emotion of jealousy, willing the other to break through… To make the first step and to try to make something of what should have been nothing.

At times Kathryn goes too far and she allows the man groping her to kiss her right in front of you and you grow angry. The incensed state is far too great and you calmly excuse yourself and leave without expecting an answer from your current girlfriend, who will then become confused at your sudden change in mood.

I've always wondered where you went and what happened every time this occurred. One time I was walking from class and I saw you stomp into the empty auditorium, your blond eyebrows glaring at empty space and your jaw set tightly. I love you still, do you know that? So I follow you into it after minutes of hesitance only to duck behind a row of chairs when I realize that I am followed by another person.

This is a peculiar sense of déjà vu. But I take it, knowing that it is a chance to get another glimpse of your complexities. It is indeed fascinating despite my emotional attachment to you. I had no idea this was to be the last straw for you.

"You're doing it on purpose, aren't you?" You demand, kicking the nearest chair in frustration. "Every fucking time, Kathryn! What do you want from me? A signed contract written in blood?"

Kathryn crosses the room with such ease, chuckling faintly at your irritation.

"You find it funny? You find it amusing? I'm in love with you and I hate it! Do you know why? Do you fucking want to know why? Because every fucking debutante I fuck doesn't compare to you!"

"I think you're getting too worked up over—"

"Quiet!" you snap, getting riled up now. "I'm sick of it, Kathryn. Ever since you said I had to persuade you, I've been wracking my mind of things to do or to say to you to make you want to just fucking try! You say you don't like taking risks when you don't know if you're going to win? Fuck you. You've already won. You have me, you're in me. You're in every woman I encounter, I just—"

"I look at you wasting yourself on those losers who will never even be able to keep up with you in every way possible, and I get angry. Sometimes I keep it in, but then when things like that happen, when he starts blatantly showing his lust to you, I realize that he doesn't deserve you because I do. I'm the only one who fucking does and call it arrogant if you'd like, but I don't care. I know I can and will make you happy. It won't be easy, but it won't be hard either. I see us and I want to try, to just… try. I want you, every inch, every sin, every part or your sick and twisted personality. I don't want to pursue those other conquests anymore, they mean nothing to me. They're just so I could fill the spaces your denial of my request has placed. But it disappears quickly and seeing you amuse yourself with other men put more and more spaces to fill. But you know what, that's how I fucking feel. I'm tired of this game, you want to try? You want to back the fuck out? Let me know. It's now or never, Kathryn. You wear me out sometimes, I can't do this anymore."

She places a hand on your chest, perhaps to feel the loud beating of your heart. It's probably beating so fast right now.

"Calm down, Sebastian."

You grab her wrist and wrench it away, "I'm tired, Kathryn. You've won. If this is your way of rejecting me, then fine. Be brave enough to say it to my face."

She remains undaunted by your anger like a woman standing firm in the face of an impending tornado. Kathryn looks astonished at your answer and she tucks her hair behind her ears to try to formulate a suitable reply.

"You think this is a game to me, Valmont?"

"Of course it is. Everything's a game to you." You snarl bitterly, averting your eyes from her.

She moves so you are facing her and once again, it is a silent battle while you stare at each other. It's a while before she speaks. "Is it a game to you?"

You don't take long to give your answer because you know immediately what it is to reply. "No. No I don't think so. It stopped being a game to me when I stopped wanting to have you and started wanting to deserve you."

I gasp at the sincerity and confidence in your tone.

She is clearly taken aback as well, but something inside of her stirs and once again, her annoyance and indifference are removed. It started out slow, but her lips curve and part until she is flashing a brilliant smile she gives only to you.

"Is that a line you often use?"

You scowled, "Are you fucking kidding me? Do you think I bare myself like this to every girl just to get her into bed? Do you think I tell her that I love her time and again; do you fucking think I get fucking jealous when I see one of my conquests with another man? I don't give a damn if they screw every human being with a fucking penis as long as I'm done with them! Do you fucking think that I would even allow them to perplex me to no end the way only you do? Are you fucking cra—"

Kathryn does something indeed crazy.

Her petite form launches itself at you until you stumble backwards and wrap your arms around her, I think her purpose was to knock the wind out of you to stop talking and it does. She swallows the curse you were about to say in your moment of surprise with a single kiss that are accepting, affectionate and passionate. You give in after a bit of hesitance, and soon you pull her tighter against you until you both had to gasp for air.

"Silly rabbit." She murmurs affectionately, twisting your curls with her finger. "That was what I was waiting for."

Your jaw hangs open, "Are you serious? That was it? No grand gesture of love and all that crap? Fuck! Do you realize that I even toyed with the fucking thought of calling the fucking flower shop to buy out their entire stock and have it delivered to school so you would at least get a fucking clue about how serious I was? You tortured me, you crazy bitch."

"And now, I'll keep on torturing you because you're stuck with me now."

"Why haven't I expected anything less? For weeks I've gone crazy thinking, what do I fucking have to do? Now you say, you just say after all I've said, after all that disgustingly sentimental yet honest phrases, that you'll just keep on—"

You stop and she raises her eyebrows, nodding slowly and smirking while the realization dawns on you.

"Did you… Did you just…" You stutter, "Say yes?"

"Yes."

"Fuck." You curse almost venerably before stopping and just gaping at her, looking so trusting and pliant in your arms.

"I'd say yes, but I have class." She kisses the corner of your mouth, "I'll see you later?"

You kissed her, your anger now replaced with that hope that had been hidden in your smooth veneer.

"Okay."

So that it won't look suspicious for her to leave an empty auditorium especially with her stepbrother, looking beautifully flushed and thoroughly kissed, Kathryn heads out first. You run a hand through your hair, still surprised but happy at what had happened. There's that dazed look again, it was the same one you had when she gave you a way to her. Slowly, she grows smaller and smaller from your view but you don't stop staring at her with that stunned smile on your face. As she stands in front of the door, she turns around and faces you.

"Sebastian?"

"Yes?"

"Dump the slut, okay?"

"I will if you dump the moron jock."

She narrowed her emerald eyes, looking at you before finally shrugging her small shoulders. "Okay."

"Fine."

Kathryn smirked, "Great."

"I love you, you know."

She sighed like she had the biggest burdens in life, "I know. I love you, too."

Sometimes I think she said it only to watch your eyes grow wider and wider, sometimes I think she said it to catch you off guard because she always seemed to want to do that to you. Either way, she laughs at your gob smacked expression and before you can form a coherent sentence, she slips out of the auditorium and leaves you in the darkness.

You stay there for half an hour in silence. I don't know what you're thinking because although I could read you to some extent, I will never fully understand you. I manage to get out after you leave and I feel that sense of heaviness for the rest of the day. I am filled with bitterness and jealousy; you have tainted me, Sebastian. Please make it better.

You don't. You never will.

As luck would have it, I seem to want to be tortured because then I run into the two of you on your way to your Jag. I could only utter a surprised 'Oh' as my books fall from my arms and I look like a blithering loser in front of the very people I had secretly watched. You, perhaps because of your good mood, pick up my books and hand them back to me while Kathryn watches stoically while her hand slips into her purse to take something.

"Be more careful next time." You drawl in that arrogant, deep voice of yours. "Not all men are as nice as me."

Nice? I rage inwardly, you call yourself nice? Do you have any idea what you've done to me?

You place a palm on her lower back, trying to lead her to your car but she doesn't move. Instead there's a sweet, angelic smile on her lips and she turns to me.

Kathryn's smile, although nice and innocent, was in reality very charming and scary the way a snake moves before it's about to strike. She places her smooth hand in mine and discreetly drops something on my palm. I feel the rosary I had meant to give her press against my skin with a sickening thud in my heart.

"You left this." She breathes innocently since we are surrounded by the public.

You look at her fondly, never even acknowledging me anymore.

But then she leans forward and says a single word through my ear that makes me hang my head in shame and a fierce blush spread through my cheeks. I could hear her saying it again and again even as I watch the expensive car drive away.

"Voyeur."

And now look at me, blushing horribly, jaded and tainted by a promise of a love that was never there to begin with. This is what happens when you bear witness to what happens behind closed doors.

* * *

**A/N: I have another short thingie in the works although I have yet to write it. Be nice and let me know if I've done a bang up job or whatever.**

**Sorry I'm so effing sleepy that I only have time to address one person.**

**Katie: Yes, I'd like that review reply. NOW. Just kidding, but when you can though. Lol  
**


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